手帖に追いつめられるとき
自分の行動パターンに気づく
ここ数年「目標を立てる→がんばる→疲れる」
という行動パターンを繰り返していました。
何とか気を抜こう。休もうとしましたが、
このパターンの最後にある
「何だか分からない心身の疲れ」から
一向に抜けられませんでした。
手帳で目標を立てるのを止めてみた、という
記事を以前書きましたが、それでもやっぱり
放っておくと、自分が「がんばりすぎる」の
状態に陥るのです。
今年から、手帖のフォーマットは
細かい時間帯の管理ができる
「バーチカル」タイプを使うようになりました。
その影響もあり、手帖がいつもタスクや予定で
ビッチリ埋まっていました。
そんな中で
「何でいつもこう頑張りすぎてしまうんだろう?」
「何をやっても、誰とやっても、いつもこうなってしまう。」
と、ふと自分の繰り返す
「行動パターン」に気がつきました。
「固定概念」を知る
そこから様々な本を読み、講習会に参加し、
色々な方に相談もして、やっとたどり着いたのは
このパターンの原因になっているのは
「強い固定観念」らしい、ということ。
「固定観念」とは、その人の「自己認識」と
「世界認識」を決める根幹となるものです。
(詳しくは、下の書籍「なぜ人と組織は変われないのか」に出てくる
「免疫マップ」で、詳しく書かれています。)
わたしが無意識に抱えていた「固定観念」は
「がんばらないと自分は駄目になる」
というもの。
これをもっと奥まで掘り下げていくと
「自分には価値がない」
という概念に辿り着きます。
うわネガティブ!!と思われるかも
しれませんが(笑)わたしも
「これを信じているぞ!」と自覚して
いる訳ではありません。
むしろ、そんなことを自分が信じていると
考えたこともありませんでした。
でも、心のずっとずっと奥の見えない底に
この「強力な概念」があり、自分の感情や行動に
強大な影響を与えます。
わたしの場合は、自分にそもそも価値がないと
無意識下で思っているので、
「もっと、もっとやらなきゃ!」
「しっかりしなきゃ!」
と、これまた無意識に行動をする訳です。
その結果、何度やっても、何をやっても、
同じ「がんばりすぎて、疲れる」という
結果になる訳です。
「いつも頑張りすぎてしまうのは、これが原因か!」
という長年探し求めた答えに辿り着き
スッキリしました。
直さなくても、この根幹に気づけただけで
自分の思考や視点が、グッと広くなりました。
「いつもこうなる」の根っこには「固定概念」がある
皆さんも、自分の行動パターンで
「いつもこうなってしまう」
ということはありませんか?
私も、「頑張りすぎる」以外にも
「何か知らないけど、こうなる」という
パターンが多々あります。
これらもどんどん掘り下げてみて
自分の無意識の世界に何があり
何が自分の行動を決めているのか
コツコツ探っていきたいと思います。
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